listening within

so far this has been a year of challenging decisions. have been in a position more than once of feeling in my gut that i want to turn down an opportunity that really seems like a good idea. it's been really hard to listen deep enough to what i really want, to discern what that even is amidst all the other internal voices, doubts, questions, fears, not to mention all the external input. wishes of others, advice of friends. and finally to find a way to make a decision, which honors my own instincts. to either take the leap and do something that scares me, but feels right. or turn away from something that seems crazy to turn down, but which doesn't truly feel right.

how do you listen clearly and decipher what is best for you? how can you know the truth of what you really want? especially when much of your life has been spent guided from other forces, like the will of others, aiming to please or earn love, or letting fear make your choices for you. sometimes my mind and heart feel so full of fog, i have no idea what i really want.

and i think it's ok either way. because one way or the other you find out if something was right for you. sometimes it might just not be possible to know ahead of time. and going through painful, regretful or disappointing experiences is just one more way we learn.

but meanwhile, i do want to get better at being more in touch with my core.

what inspires you? what makes you feel most alive? closest to yourself? strongest?

"when the mind speaks, which voices do you listen to? to the ones who spin endless mischief on the surface, or to the slower, deeper ones that are always true?" ~unknown