happy holidays

growing up, the holidays were a stressful time of the year. it wasn't that dad got more drunk over the holidays than on any other day of the year, it was that the pressure to be a "normal family" was higher. i have many memories of my mother crying in the kitchen on christmas day, because she never expected life to turn out this way.

once i went away to college, the holidays became a time of facing the pressure to come home for the holidays, and having no desire to. one year i finally decided i'd had enough, and vowed that that year was my last. i realized i did not have to go. that i could make my own new holiday traditions. even if i was by myself. i could be happy. it was not up to me to "save" my family. to play some role. to act anything out. even just to be there.

so i began to make the holidays a time of year that i looked forward to, instead of the other way around.

curiously enough, holidays were never about religion for me. i was raised "christian" but not in any kind of strict, or literal, spiritual sense. it was more the tradition that was emphasized. and any deviation on my part from the norm, was faced more with "why on earth wouldn't you want to do things the way everyone else i know does?" moreso than telling me i would go to hell if i didn't obey. i was never forced to obey. nor was i taught hell or god even existed. i was encouraged to decide for myself what i believed in. and for this i am sincerely grateful to my family.

i was able to grow up without religious abuse. yet i was still aware of all the religious abuse that exists. people who hurt or kill others in the name of religion. religious people, especially religious officials, who are themselves abusive.

and this is the kind of thing that used to repel me away from religion. even the "nice" christians i met would tell me i was lost or try to convert me using various means. i would feel hurt and angry that they didn't even seem to want to just get to know me. instead of try change me. but nowadays i feel different. today if someone told me that i'm lost or that i'm going to hell because i don't believe what they do, I can't imagine feeling hurt anymore. and if someone wanted to convert me, i don't think that would make me feel angry.

because now I am thinking moreso that this behavior is just what some people are taught. and people can't help what they were taught. especially if they were also taught never to question. this is the truth as far as they know. and furthermore, as far as they know, they are sharing something good and important with me. something that is life-saving for them. they think they are helping.

so now i try to imagine what a person's faith must be like from their point of view. i'm trying to be more empathetic. to see how their faith has been built up by what they have been taught over their entire lifetime. how their beliefs may have been shaped by people they respected, loved and trusted. sometimes even by generations of people in their families. their beliefs may have brought them great comfort and strength, and carried them through painful experiences. may have helped them face the death of a loved one, helped them grieve, helped them heal. may have helped them overcome addiction or the effects of abuse.

i no longer see religion as harmful in itself. i see people as capable of horrible harm. and it seems somehow especially horrible when religious people are harmful. because religion is supposed to teach people to be good and kind. but i believe that religion is something that humans use to try to find direction. to try to live the right way. but believing in a religion does not ensure that a person will be able to be good to their fellow humans.

sometimes i think people follow religion in order to try to make up for the harms they do. and this is how a really abusive person could also be really religious. because psychologically, they are so torn. they know deep in their heart how much they harm others, and they want so desperately to be saved. to be good. and maybe they hope if they are just religious enough, this will make up for the pain they've caused others. but instead of trying to control their harmful behaviour, they just "leave it up to god" and keep doing the harmful things, meanwhile hoping and praying that they are truly forgiven, as they've been taught they will be if they only "believe" enough.

but i believe that it doesn't matter really what you believe. it only matters how we treat each other. here and now. how we live our lives. i believe in goodness. in kindness. in sharing. in love. in not harming others. i believe in generosity. and helping. in communication. in honesty. in reciprocity.

i believe we're all in this together and it's our responsibility to figure out how to care for one another.

in my ideal world, children would grow up learning multiple languages, and learning all about the different religions and cultures of the world. no one would be taught at school that they have to be any one way, or that people different from them are wrong. children would be encouraged to be empathetic and kind and curious. to treat each other well. not to bully or abuse. they would be taught to protect each other. and to want to learn more about people who are different from them, instead of to fear them. world peace and tolerance and acceptance would be encouraged.

a curriculum for a classroom in december would include teaching children about the following:

•Ramadan (Muslim) -- Began August 11, ended September 9
•Eid al-Fitr (Muslim) -- September 10
•Saint Nicholas Day (Christian) -- December 6
•Eid'ul-Adha (Muslim) -- November 16
•Fiesta of Our Lady of Guadalupe (Mexican) -- December 12
•St. Lucia Day (Swedish) -- December 13
•Hanukkah (Jewish) -- Begins at sundown on December 1 (ends December 9)
•Christmas Day(Christian) -- December 25
•Boxing Day (Australian, Canadian, English, Irish) -- December 26
•Kwanzaa (African American) -- December 26 to January 1
•Omisoka (Japanese) -- December 31
•Epiphany (Christian) -- January 6

this could be so fun! to learn about all the cultures and religions of the world in an embracing and curious way. i do believe in the separation of church and state. but what this means to me is that the state should not be an instrument of teaching people TO be religious. i think banning specific prayer in schools makes sense. but i think all children should be taught about all the religions that exist, in an objective, informative and respectful way. and secular humanism, agnosticism and atheism would be included in this, because every world view should be understood. that way they can learn about one another. this way children can learn not to demonize each other just because we're not all the same.

why can't students learn about all the creation stories of the world along with biology and the theory of evolution? i don't even know how people of faiths besides christianity feel about evolution. is this just a debate within christinity or are their other faiths that have a problem with the idea that we evolved from monkeys? schools could teach: here's what science says...but some religious people believe in creationism and here's what that means...whereas some people believe in evolution as well as have faith, and here's how they explain both working together. and then they could watch "inherit the wind" (the old spencer tracy version) and have a dynamo discussion! :)

different political and economic systems wouldn't be demonized either. instead it would be more like, "oh, they're trying out communism over in that country right now, i wonder how that's going for them." because it seems to me that there isn't really any one particular political or economic system that is in and of itself good for people. it all depends on the people who run it. there can be corruption in any system. we should all know by now that just because something is supposed to be fair and equalizing on the surface, doesn't mean that the citizens of that country will feel that their voice has any legitimate power, or that they have the ability to make a difference in their culture.

i think what matters most is that we all feel safe. safe to speak. safe to love. safe from harm. safe from oppression. able to provide for our families. warm. fed. clothed. clean. and healthy.

the expressive arts carnival, hosted by paul over at mind parts, has an "open" theme this month, so we are allowed to create whatever we want. because it's the holiday season, and holidays for people with dysfunctional families can be such horrible times, i chose to create an image of something that is currently an optimistic part of my life. something i can actually feel grateful to my family of origin for helping me to cultivate by raising me to be open-minded. here's a visual depiction of my spiritual worldview.



for much of my life, when envisioning how i see the spiritual paths of humans on this earth, i've often seen us all as traveling up the same mountain. but on this mountain there are many different established paths available that the people have made. these paths are the different religions. and the nice things about following a path are that you aren't alone and if you fall, someone will be able to help you up. and if you get lost, someone with more experience and wisdom can help guide you.

but i truly believe that no one path is exclusively right. just as no one person is always right. i think we can all learn from one another. each person has a lifetime of wisdom they can share. and each spiritual tradition has wisdom that has evolved within cultures of humans over eras and lifetimes of complex experiences. we can learn from each other if we want to.

so that's part of what the holidays means for me today. it is a time to reflect on how far i've come. on what brings me together with other human beings. it is a time to think about sharing and giving and celebrating being alive on this earth. it is a time to think about all the ways we are different and how much i have to learn about this world and all the people in it.

the spiritual paths we have available are just some of the many paths out there that offer wisdom and guidance. and i am doing my best, at this point in my life, to find the good in them. the good in others. and the good in myself.

wishing everyone in the world a happy holiday season, no matter what you believe or who you are.

"Every piece of the universe, even the tiniest little snow crystal, matters somehow. I have a place in the pattern, and so do you."
~T.A. Barron